I ran across this website today and I thought I was going to try to crawl through the computer and strangle somebody.  Normally when I look at a diet I really am comparing it to what I am currently doing and trying to decide if I may get better results.

In this case it was like a train wreck.  I could not look away!  Here some of the things the website (http://www.fatloss4idiots.com/00009/GetDiet.php) had to say and my comments.

 You have to wonder if people like this got their start by pimping out their sister.

Yesterday someone said to me “I really enjoy your blog, but I stopped reading it because you don’t have the same food issues as me.”

Really?

I’m a compulsive overeater – so I have the eating disorder covered.  I’m addicted to carbs, so the whole addiction thing is pretty much covered.  I have/had a Vitamin D nutritional deficiency, which takes care of the “glandular” issue and I have low testosterone, so my hormonal excuse is taken care.  Plus Free Space…..BINGO!

As I was listening I kept thinking, “Are you kidding me?”  Now before I go further let me say that I am not trying to shame this person, nor am I taking the person’s inventory.  That is his or her job.  I am not making fun of her or him and I am not trying to be saracastic.  I spent some time thinking, “What is it that I don’t have?” 

And then it hit me.  I don’t have the ability to fool myself anymore that my journey back to health is outside my control.  This doesn’t make the journey easier mind you, but it does make it possible.  Prior to going to Sheppard Pratt I wanted to believe that I could not change my behavior no matter what I did.  I wanted it to be completely outside my control because that gave me the excuse to buy the family-size bag of potato chips and slip it on my face like a feed bag.

The truth is I didn’t want to be fat anymore, but I didn’t want to change my behaviors.  What I was stressing about was the physical outcome, not the source of the problem; or as some would say the symptoms not the disease. 

I didn’t want to keep buying bigger clothes and walking shorter distances.  I never again wanted the humilation of being turned away from an anmusement park ride for being “too big” or have to ask for the seat belt extension on planes; both of which have happened to me.  I didn’t want to do those things, but I still wanted to eat 4 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as a snack, treat a 1 pound bag of M&M’s as a single serving and drink 96 – 120 ounces of Coca Cola each day WITHOUT consequences.  And the fact is that just ain’t gonna happen.

So it came down to having to choose between having my cake and eating it too.  (It’s a great analogy, isn’t it?)   I had to either choose to journey back to health or choose to continue to treat a Big Mac, Super-sized fry and a 20 piece order of McNuggets , two apple pies and a quart of soda  as a meal.   I had the power to make either choice and nobody could stop me.  Totally my decision.

My weight wasn’t just holding me back physically.  It was holding me back from having a real life; and I am eternally grateful that I decided that I wanted that more.

Lots to talk about tonight.  At least I hope I have lots to talk about as I have a lot on my mind.  I will try to make sure this is not another one of those posit-note posts!

Fast & Easy

You have heard me complain about this endlessly.  Every time I read about a diet product or see an ad on TV.  But I really sat back to examine why it drives me so crazy.  I am sure many of you have heard the cliche, “If you spot it, you got it!”, usually in reference to pointing out other people’s character flaws that drive us crazy.  Well, time for me to name names and shame the devil here…. I got it.  I may not fall for the “fast & easy” slogans about diet products, but I sure make it a part of my life in other areas.  I mentioned something along this lin about food preparation the other day.  I end up eating steamed vegetables and roasted chicken breast not because I love it, but because it’s… any guesses, let’s not always see the same hands… bingo…fast & easy.  I tend to dread the things that take up a block of time.  Sure my schedule is full (more on that in a bit, but it isn’t so full I can’t prepare interesting, enjoyable food.  And if it is I need to prioritize.  Anything that I place ahead of my journey to health will be the thing I stumble over on the way there. 

My problem is I have developed a lifestyle that wants the rewards without having to do a lot of work.  I am sure I picked it up from my nutritional habits.  I can stop by 7-11 on the way home and get a meal that takes absolutely no preparation and I can start eating it as I walk out of the store.  There’s a flashback!  But what am I eating and what good is it doing me?

I want to have a healthy blood pressure and be off blood pressure medications, but not if it means I have to work out for 90 minutes a week for six months.  That’s drawn out & hard; words that make me shudder to type them.  I want to learn new things, and discover more about myself, but not if I have to dedicate time to meditate each week.   If change was easy we would all do it all the time.  It’s not.  It comes in varying degrees of difficulty and takes varying amounts of time.  That must be where the came up with the phrase “no pain…no gain”

The Artist’s Way

I started a new venture on my journey to health this week.  I am part of a creative cluster going through the book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.  If you aren’t familiar with her work you can check it out at, www.theartistsway.com .  Guess what, the program requires me to invest 7-10 hours a week.  Yay….more work.  But the rewards are supposed to be amazing and the people in my creative cluster are a joy and a blessing.  I am sure I will post information about what I am doing from time to time with the group.  One of the benefit’s is that it’s something new and exciting and it helps round me out.  No pun intended.  I don’t have to just be about diet and exercise!

My Schedule

So my attempt to be more focused, with flexibility, a couple of weeks ago was not the most successful attempt in the world.  I got through all the things I was required to do, and a few of the things I should do, and none of the things I wanted to do.  So I am trying again.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and being more schedule minded isn’t going to happen overnight.  One of the reasons I am doing this is because when I let my schedule get out of whack two things immediately happend.  I end up eating roasted chicken breast and steamed vegetables and my set time to exercise is always “tomorrow”.  While Annie may be able to make the sun come out tomorrow, I can’t seem to get myself to the fitness center if “tomorrow” is my goal.  So here goes…

There was a great article on Health.com today about “8 Salads that Satisfy”.  Of the eight, only one has more than 400 calories per serving (404 on the Grilled Vegetables with Lentils) and they all look delicious.  http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20346776_1,00.html

I was talking to a co-worker in the break room today and she was telling me about how she has spiced up tilapia filets with different types of salsa.  And I am listening to this as I look at my standard roast chicken breast, cup of rice and a vegetable.  Now you all know that I am a creature of habit, and I am actually pretty satisfied with having the same breakfast morning after morning.  It’s fast, simple and filling.

But I have to tell you I have been struggling with my lunches and dinners.  It’s gotten to the point where even the word chicken is making me a little crazy.  Unless I try to “motivate” myself, and then all I end up doing is thinking about a Family Sized Bucket of Colonel Sanders Extra Greasy with a nice glass of gravy to wash it down.

So what happened to the excited fat boy that made wasabi encrusted tuna steaks, lemon garlic tilapia filets and stuffed chicken breasts his first month on the program?  I can tell you what happened; he got lazy and fell back to as close to his old food preparation habits as he could.  Before I started this journey the most intense food prep I wanted to do was to tear the box open, or POSSIBLY turn on the microwave.  If I was feeling really Martha Stewart I might boil water for a nice tub of pasta.

When I first started the journey I had taken a week off from work to transition back into the real world of people who don’t think a single serving is determined by how many containers are involved.  I had all day to work on planning a menu and prepping food, and it was all new an exciting and my menus were more interesting.  

Now I am back in the real world, work, school, volunteering, meetings, homework, laundry, the list could go on and on.  And I am back to trying to keep it short and sweet.  And the scary thing is I have found a way to do that.  I turn on the computer and the oven at the same time.  I throw 6 chicken breasts on the broiling pan and stick them in the oven, grab the laundry and drop it in the washer and go start my school work.  When the time goes off on the oven, I take out the chicken, move the laundry to the dryer and go back to school work.  When the dryer timer goes off, I unload and fold the clothes, go back and put the chicken (which has cooled off) into plastic bags and stick it in the fridge.  Sounds efficient, doesn’t it?    It is….it’s also boring as hell.

Because the next day when I open the fridge to pack my lunch for work I have a choice of…let’s see….chicken breasts, all the same, all bland.  Throw a cup of cooked rice in Tupperware, supplement with some salad and I am done.  No wonder we all get crazy when we start dieting.  If the fat wasn’t killing us the boredom would!

I’ve talked about the fact that a journey back to health is not fast and easy.  If it was I wouldn’t be writing this and you wouldn’t be reading it.  We would have all just done it.  It takes work, it’s hard sometimes, and the hard parts aren’t all in the gym.  Sometimes the hard part is scheduling time to prepare interesting, flavorful food for myself so that I have a diet I enjoy rather than one that is made up of baggies full of roasted chicken.

 If I want to be successful, and I do, then I have to put the work in where it counts.  Food preparation has to be a higher priority.  If it’s not, then I am just kidding myself about wanting to make a change.

I really don’t feel like writing tonight, which is probably a very good reason to write.

For me, the hardest part about my journey back to health is the level of honesty I have to pour into it if I want to get any results.  In this case honesty means a lot of things.  First there is honesty with myself, keeping it real on the home front.  That means having to really examine what I eat, what I eat and when I eat it.  Having to come to grips with getting cravings, want to leave out little things like the nibbles I take while preparing food and confessing when I want to break away from my food plan.  I love chocolate, and Tootsie Rolls are a passion.  The problem is we have a big old bowl of the Tootsie Rolls minis in our office that is always full.

So one day I looked up the caloric value of the minis, and there are about 10 of those little guys in an ounce for about 118 calories.  So I had 10, and from time to time (not on the same day) I have had 10 more.  But I never quite remember to write that in my food diary and when I do think about it, I think “Oh…it’s only 100 (notice the decrease) calories.  That’s no big deal.”   So I have to ask myself, “How many calories is enough to justify writing it down?

Now the purists out there would say 1 calorie or more, and the compulsive overeaters and food addicts would tell me a varying number, depending on how much they sneak.  And then I think about silly things like the time I had a Muscle Milk Bar, but logged in my food diary that I was having a Muscle Milk drink.  There is about a 10 calorie difference.  Does that matter?  Does the world need to know about my 10 calories.   Of course the minute I start thinking that you do, I am overwhelmed with the desire to cheat.  Healthy thinking right?

This is on my mind because this week I hit the 90 day anniversary of going to the Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt.  So here I am 90 days later wondering when I get to eat like a normal person and how much longer I have to write all down, think it all out, measure it, pre-cook it, pack it, etc.

So here goes some basic honesty.  I started overeating around age 23.  I am now 49.  So for 26 years I really didn’t care what I ate or what affect it had on my body.  So maybe 90 days isn’t as long as it feels…

I was talking to my mother today about my blog and she was talking about the importance of eating complex carbs versus simple carbs and avoiding sugars.  As she was talking I realized I knew, in general, what she meant, but not in detail.  Of course I can look for sugar on the label and I know that it comes by many different names.  But in planning a healthy menu could I really pick healthier carb choices?  Since I wasn’t sure I looked it up.  Part of my journey back to health is admitting that I thought I knew it all, and I really knew nothing at all.  And let’s face it, even the stuff I did know didn’t make that much difference if I wasn’t willing to look at the label to begin with. 

What are carbs?

Carbohydrates are made up of sugars. There are a bunch of different types of sugar, but in our body converts them all to glucose, which we use to create energy.  Glucose is the main sugar present in many foods but some contain different sugars, such as fructose in fruit, lactose in milk, and corn syrup which is a combination of sugars. There are 4 calories in a gram of carbohydrates. 

What are complex carbohydrates?

Complex carbohydrates or starch are simply sugars bonded together to form a chain. Digestive enzymes have to work much harder to access the bonds to break the chain into individual sugars for absorption through the intestines. For this reason digestion of complex carbohydrates takes longer. The slow absorption of sugars provides us with a steady supply of energy and limits the amount of sugar converted into fat and stored.  Some foods that are high in complex carbs are:

•  Pasta
• Brown rice
• Potatoes
• Whole meal breads
• Wholegrain cereals
• Corn
• Oats
• Peas
• Beans
• Lentils

 What are simple carbohydrates?

Simple carbohydrates are smaller molecules of sugar unlike the long chains in starch. For example the individual sugars themselves – glucose, fructose and dextrose.  They are digested quickly because the individual sugars are ready to be absorbed immediately plus digestive enzymes have easy access to the bonds in the paired molecules. You could say most of the work has been done!

Their rapid absorption increases the chances of sugar converting to fat but only if there is an abundance of energy absorbed. Foods like cake, pastry, biscuits, chocolate and too much table sugar to name a few contain lots of “empty” calories. Because our cells usually do not require that amount of energy at that time, the sugar must either be converted to glycogen (sugar storage within cells ) or converted to fat. The cell can only store a limited amount of glycogen so in many cases simple carbohydrate loaded foods may contribute to body fat stores. This rule can change if the glycogen levels are low such as after anaerobic exercise!

Other natural foods like fruit contain naturally occurring simple sugars, however because the amount of energy is low there’s less chance for sugar to be converted to fat. Plus many fruits are high in fiber which helps slow digestion again limiting the flood of sugar energy into cells when it’s not needed!  Some simple carb foods:

• Table sugar
• Candy
• Soda
• Cakes
• Jam
• Gums
• Honey

This recipe has a bit more fat than I might recommend, but the fat is mostly coming from the salmon and the avocado, both of which are healthy fats.  Even the sesame oil is a healthier choice because its cold pressed.

Sushi Salad – Serves Six 

Ingredients:

• 12 oz. fresh salmon
• 12 oz. fresh Ahi tuna
• 2 medium-sized avocados
• 2 tbs finely chopped onions
• 2 oz. Oriental seaweed marinated in Wasabi (obtained at gourmet markets)
• 4 tbs sesame oil
• 2 tbs rice vinegar
• 1 tbs brown sugar
• 6 oz Chinese crispy noodles
• 1 tbs toasted sesame seeds
• Lemon juice to taste

Directions:

1. Dice separately salmon, tuna and avocados. Combine onions with avocados.
2. Use an empty 1 quart can, open at both ends as a mold
3. Gently layer mold starting with layer of tuna, avocado, and salmon.
4. Chill in refrigerator for at least one hour.
5. To serve, unmold on a plate and pour dressing over top.

To make dressing, combine sesame oil, vinegar, brown sugar and lemon juice.

Garnish with seaweed, crispy noodles and sesame seeds.

Nutritional Information – Per Serving

• Calories:           482
• Carbs:                27g
• Protein:             28g
• Fat:                      29g

If you read my food log on a regular basis you will notice something unusual tonight.  I entered Night Off in my food log tonight.  When I got home tonight I was seriously craving a big bowl of pasta.  At first I thought it might be a physical reaction.  I was at a business meeting today, and had less control over what my food options were.  I also had less control over myself.  Instead of choosing Diet Coke, I had 2 – 12 oz Cokes during the course of the meeting, and I had two cookies for dessert.

Not that those food selections are certainly not the end of the world, and they are a lot less serious than they could have been in the past.  I passed the cookies a number of times without having one, which is improvement.  But between the soda and the cookies I took in a lot more carbs than I would normally and a lot more sugar.

So I was concerned that my desire for pasta was biochemical.  Then I started thinking through my day and trying to determine if the there was some emotional drive that was making me want to eat.  After tackling that for awhile I realized I was making myself kind of crazy.  Maybe a desire for some pasta is just a desire for some pasta and a wish not to eat chicken tonight.

That’s when I realized that what I am experiencing is closer to the way that “normal” eat.  Sometimes you just get a craving and sometimes you just want to eat something different.  So I ate a bunch of pasta.  A great big bowl… and I am going to have dessert.  And tomorrow I will be back on my food plan and move forward.

I think that an occasional night off is going to be good.  I can’t make a regular process of it, but that is a decision for me.  One fitness and Diet Program, Body for Life (www.bodyforlife.com) recommends that participants follow their program six days a week and then have a free day in which the person can eat anything he or she wishes.  The philosophy is that in one day a person cannot eat enough to throw off the good done in the other six days.  A large number of people have experienced a lot of success on the program and it seems to be very healthy, in my layman opinion.

For me, a free day doesn’t work but that’s because I compulsively overeat.  But I think occasionally incorporating a free meal; say once or twice a month may be motivational.  I am going to give it a try and be willing to give it up if it appears to interfere with my overall goals.

I got a comment today that asked me to add a “share” button to my blog.  This will allow people to post what I write to most social media sites, or to email the information to other people.  My first reaction was, “I don’t know how to do that!”  Then I figured it out and my second reaction was a sense of loss of control.  Right now I maintain the illusion of control of this information by only having it appear here.  Not that people couldn’t copy and paste it.  But control is almost always an illusion.

So…I bit the bullet and added the button that lets readers forward my blog and writings to just about anyone.  Maybe what I write will be important to somebody else.  I know it is to me.  I am pretty sure that I always cite information that I have gotten from other sources, or the work of others, so I feel I am being ethical.  And I am not selling anything, recommending anything, or advertising anything, so I don’t have to feel like my writing suddenly means something beyond what I write each day (or so…).   I’m still just a fat boy on a journey to health and this is my map to show me where I am going and where I have been.

Feel free to Pass It On!

First an update on how I am doing on my schedule for the week.  Not so great… I am getting to work, and I got to my volunteer meeting last night, but yesterday morning I could not get out of bed for the 12 Step Meeting, and I didn’t get to the cathedral tonight.  I am not freaking out about it, but I am a bit disappointed. 

I justified not going to the cathedral by telling myself I really needed to come home and work out.  Then I entered my food for the day….Again, not so great.  Up 400+ calories and most of those from fat.  The pecans really did me in.  They were in the salad I ordered, and it was a pain to pick them out, then I started enjoying them, and then I found I ate all of them.   So I was faced with the dilemna about what to do about dinner and my snack.  I decided that I would eat what I had planned to eat and be much more cautious about fat over the next few days.  I still needed to eat tonight, especially if I am going to work out, which I don’t want to do, but having told you that, will probably go do in 30 minutes.

Tomorrow I want to TRY VERY HARD to get up in the morning and go to the meeting, and I would really like to make it to Mass tomorrow too.  All I can do is try my best.